“The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity.” ~Author Unknown
It had been a perfectly acceptable evening spent with Marci and Roary, traipsing through Adam’s Morgan and then to Dupont. I even – quite literally – jumped for joy at the sight of Ms. Cookie. And I had finally gotten over that which was the uber exclusive Fly, which is an excellent place to go for good music and if you don’t mind losing a toe. I mean really, you’ve got nine more.
So, evening? Good. As I walked to the metro – therefore totally defying Roary – I found that my hips were hurting me even more than they had earlier. I felt like the Tin Man and that my joints needed some oiling before I even thought about prancing around for a new heart. I was walking funny…a strange little limp of some sort I suppose. Anyway, as I was walking – nay hobbling – to the metro a man walked up to me. A man, that I had never seen in my life came up to me out of the blue, while I was semi inebriated and in pain to comment on my gait. Not only to comment but he actually said to me “look at you twisting like that (I wasn’t twisting, but whatever), Go on girl, look at you walking with your big ass.” And of course, said with a smile.
Now, what does one do in this situation?
(A) Do a round house kick and karate chop to the little fucker
(B) Do an impressive half nelson maneuver that had been learned in seventh grade
(C) Castrate the motherfucker and then explain to the police why there is so much black on black crime
(D) Become overwhelmingly horrified and then walk faster to the metro while covering your “big ass” with a skimpy wrislet
(E) Bust out my nine and pray that I have good aim
I decided to go with ‘D’ and just thank God that no one was there to witness. Sunday morning I ran my ass off and then walked the two miles to and from Gallery Place and tried to subsist on an apple and orange juice for the day because I HAVE A BIG ASS!
Ok, that’s a lie I don’t have a big ass. And even if I did, it’s an ass that is now 17 lbs lighter and in dire need of some new jeans. So take that drunk, homeless man and be happy you still have your baby making parts, asshole.